he thought i was a dude.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
