who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
