Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
