Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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