went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
