Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
