but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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