so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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