Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
