you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
