just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
