R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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