omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
