More tranny stories later!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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