Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
