I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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