He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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