I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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