Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
