I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
