Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
