I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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