i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
