dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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