I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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