I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She needs sedatives and a leash
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
