He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
