You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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