I feel like abortions should bother me more
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
