I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
3 2 1 whiskey
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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