I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
