Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
