Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you had me at cake vodka
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
