I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
