you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
