The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
