Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
