Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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