I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
