stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
