yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
