my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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