Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
