There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
