moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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