people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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