She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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