I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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