Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
