I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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