Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
