just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Rumble strips road head = magical
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
