it's like iHOP with fire
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
