Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
