i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
